See, I force things to move around me...so i could feel fine...so i could sleep a couple of hours...cause i can't afford to stop and feel what's really going on.

Fear, that prime Instinct that drove mankind to the civilization we Indulge now!

The one thing i can't get rid of and the one thing that could make me reach security.

Fear leads to my security...Ironic but true...cause I'll be driven by it to do all that in my powers to survive.

I'm scared cause I'm nude...nothing covers my weaknesses and I don't have anyone to hide in his shadow.

I don't have a dad to run to for protection and i don't have a husband to take care of me.

I just have ME...and before you think of it, Allah is all i have and all i need and i know that...but I'm talking materialistically...like everyone else on the face of the earth...i need a hand...a hug and i do by all means miss my dad who was always busy travelling and working but managed to give me just a little bit of security...i felt safe when i dialed his number before i go to bed...now, lots of times i forget that he's no longer here to answer me when i reach for my phone and start calling him then a tear rolling down my cheek would remind me that I'm calling ......no one!

I'm not ranting and I'm not sad nor depressed...I'm just spelling out my fear.

I'm afraid for my kids...they don't have ANYONE but me...no exaggeration here...NO ONE!

 

What would happen to them when i die??!!  and no, it's not a tough call...more likely it's gonna happen much sooner than one would expect.

Lebanon is burning...that is a country...not a fragile woman who's playing tough all day long till she drained out and got sick of fighting so hard.

My God, Lebanon is burning...Palestine is suffering...my country is about to explode from frustration and anger...

I'm afraid because no matter how hard i try to be good...bad always follows me and drags me into battles that i tend to loose on many occasions.

I'm scared to death from death...

I need help yet i won't ask for it...not yet!

I have every fucking right to be afraid and i won't act the secure tough woman here too...as long as I'm not.

I'm Proud of many things and I'm grateful for many blessings but here and now...for the time being...I am afraid.