Maadi branch of course...the waiters are so polite , nice and hospitable...the place is so french and cosy...the food is great ( minimum grease ).

We usually hang out there, my friends and I and I never miss to enjoy my cappuccino...

This afternoon was nice...but tailored to fit the time i spent with my mom.

The lady is so sweet and funny but the look in her eyes made me realize that I'm such a fool to comfortably share my thoughts over my cup of 'ccino in my fav. cafe WITH my mom!

Like always i speak my mind without filtering the not so nice truth that swirls in that head of mine...so...I started blabbering about a meeting i recently attended with a couple of very religious ladies who used to be my closest friends...so...i was telling her about the issues they've discussed and what did i think of them...and how i weigh things now ...then we switched conversation to my work and the hard time one of the managers is giving me recently and how i handle him...and before i change subject to something else i realized that she has an astonished shocked look in her eyes...I tried to re run what i said in  my head quickly to find out where have i gone wrong but failed to notice anything...so, i simply asked her why was that look?!!

Very quietly she said : you're not Rasha!

A frozen moment passed...i couldn't find anything to say ...i felt like walking out...cracking into wild laughter crossed my mind...but mainly i was about to cry when Ashraf the waiter came to check if everything was ok with the food...so i collected my self and swallowed the chocking tear and decided to engage into a reasonable discussion with my mom...

I could've easily neglected the whole thing and saved myself the headache... but as usual i didn't - normally i tend to love the hard ways - and after some evasive answers from her to my dumb question asking why have i changed, I got it...she wants me to comfort her from worrying about me by following a pattern she drew in her mind - cause she thinks I'm perfect for a very unknown reason- as she expects me to dedicate my life to my kids and my kids only which means no work, no going out, no potential relationships - although i have no time for any - and most of all no looks!! she wants me full and totally covered as in her eyes I'm so attractive and this is DANGEROUS!!

My answer was simple really...

I have to work to support my kids even if i may have a bulk that can take care of that and i have to work to maintain some level of self esteem or else I'd fall into the deep clinical depression i suffered from for years without even knowing.

I don't go out that much or with any hazardous company .. no dinosaurs.. i swear!

I can hardly and rarely find someone i like and when i do there's always something critical that would make any future plans just impossible and I'm not really the looking out for a man type...

I don't wanna totally cover up cause simply it's not in my heart now...if i ever reach that degree of fear of Allah i will...and i think i gave up 50% of my beauty already ...

My last note before i paid the check was...no one can ever have a tailored daughter, friend, parent or lover...I couldn't even manage to have a tailored afternoon!

 

I'm learning to accept the changes in the world around me yet the world can't endure my changes which i think are totally my private stuff..

Out of love...care...worry??

Fine...

Anyways...the 'ccino was great as always and i had the most delicious raspberry desert I've ever tasted...It was Alain le notre's pat on my shoulder.